A Journal of My Mid-Life Crisis

18 October 1998 - Walkabout

So I found an apartment. It's a one bedroom, which is obviously inadequate, but I'll just keep the storage space, so I'll manage. I looked back over old journal entries and found that simplifying my life was really the recurring theme, so it should be good for me to have less space to clutter. (Aside from which, the place has a really good kitchen, and is in a professionally managed building, with a heated pool and a gym.)

I can't move in until the 28th so I decided to do a quick walkabout. Really, a drive-about or a classic road trip, of the sort that I normally don't do, being far more inclined to hop a plane. I'm trying to hit 4 of the 5 states I haven't been to. I told Lauren (in another context) just how compulsive I am and she said, "you know, they have medication for that now." But I really don't want to be less compulsive. I think one can transform neuroses into positives. Hell, where would American humor be if Woody Allen's therapy had worked? Or, for that matter, if Mark Twain had had access to Prozac?

The one thing that is depressing is the World Series. Being forced to cheer for the Padres - a team that has no right to exist (since they didn't exist when I first became a baseball fan). Sigh - the forces of evil are way too strong.

It's too hard to write much when I'm on the road, so will just quickly observe that I'm less tolerant of urban congestion than I used to be. Driving through vast empty stretches of Utah was wonderful. (Actually, Utah is one of those states where I always feel like I've stepped into a picture postcard. If it weren't for the Mormons, I'd consider buying a vacation home around St. George, but I don't think I could deal with being surrounded by people who want to tell me what to think.) But, and this was also unusual for me, I'm feeling a bit lonely. I've gotten more used to having a lot of people around all the time, even if I don't spend time with them all day and it's weird to have to seek out company. Maybe it's time to seek out a replacement for Robert. It's very telling that I couldn't imagine him with me as I was driving these empty roads - he'd be either asleep or panicking that we were lost or wanting to plan exactly what we should do but not managing to do any of it. And he certainly wouldn't enjoy just zipping along, singing along to the radio, and watching the world go by.