Areas of Unrest

6 July 1999 - Adult Content

Well, I got through about a third of my list of things to do over the weekend, which is actually better than average for a three day weekend. It might have been more but I made the dubious decision to start reading Four to Score by Janet Evanovich. "Oh, I will just take a 15 minute break and read a little," I said to myself. And then I said "oh, just one more chapter" umpty ump times.

I had written a bit of a rant about all how awful my day at work was, but decided it wasn't all that interesting. Suffice it to say that: a) if I ever wanted to create a really tacky 1950's monster movie type monster, it would be made out of paper and would smother people in bureaucratic forms and b) when a business traveler reschedules a trip, it probably has something to do with the meeting she is going to having been rescheduled and the travel agent calling and telling her that the fare has gone up doesn't actually accomplish anything. It isn't as if I want to go to Alabama in July. I was only going to take a half-day off tomorrow but, after a day like this, I figure I need the whole day. I'll do some errands in the morning and drive down to San Diego sometime in the early afternoon. I'll be back on Sunday and will let you all know about the storytelling conference then.

Anyway, there was a question on journals-l (a mailing list about on-line journaling) about how you would rate your journal if it were a movie. I gave myself a PG for occassional strong language, but it also reminded me that I am irritated by the way the word "adult" has come to be misused. If you see the phrase "adult book" or "adult movie" you expect pornography. "Contains adult themes" means "lots of sex and/or violence." Since I tell stories that are of little interest to pre-teens (and I'd guess that most of my writing is irrelevant to anyone under 21), I have a personal interest in the matter, but even if I didn't, it's still an abuse of the language.

So to remedy it, here is a brief list of subjects I consider "adult content":

Politics. You have to be 18 to vote (in the U.S.) and most people don't vote until they are even older. That amazes me - I remember being so excited about being able to vote for the first time. And that was Carter vs. Ford, so it's not like it was even an election with a candidate I liked.
Investments. At least judging by the people I work with, this is the single most popular topic of conversation amongst adults. You may choose to specialize in being boring about just one sort of investment, in which case real estate is popular. Personally, I cultivate the exotic and throw in frequent mentions of closed-end mutual funds, American Depository Receipts (which are an easy way to invest in certain foreign stocks), publicly traded limited partnerships (you too can own a piece of the Boston Celtics and have to file umpty ump extra tax forms as a result!), and agency bonds (or why the Farm Bank is even better than the U.S. Treasury.) Unfortunately, I haven't always limited this interest to talk, which is why I can no longer think about basketball without starting to mutter under my breath about IRS Form 8271.
Cars other than sports cars. You don't technically have to be an adult to drive in a lot of places, but you are probably an adult if any car conversation includes at least one person saying "yeah, I'd love to own a Jag but the maintenance costs would kill me and, face it, an Accord is much more practical."
Anything medical. The day you find yourself in a roomful of people nodding their heads at the guy who is discussing how he threw his back out while rehanging a door over the weekend (or, even worse, women talking about bone density scans and/or mammograms), you know you are an adult. Going to the dentist willingly and flossing regularly are also serious signs of adulthood. I am really glad that people don't make movies with this sort of adult content.
Household matters. If you have ever asked somebody for advice on stain removal, you are an adult. Trading recipes, trying to find somebody who can teach you to darn socks, seriously discussing the merits of vinyl vs. plaster spackling paste - all of these qualify.
Kids. You don't have to have kids to talk about them. All you need is one phrase and one gesture. Say "Kids these days" with a sad shake of the head and you have said it all.