A Journal of My Mid-Life Crisis

8 November 1998 - Improving My Life Without Stealing Office Supplies

The title is a minor joke on the title of one of the Dilbert books. It occurs to me that I have no need to steal office supplies - I enjoy shopping for that sort of stuff for some warped reason. I also like shopping for things that have to do with organizing. I made several trips to various places this week in an attempt to solve space problems in my apartment. You would all be well advised to buy stock in Rubbermaid.

There are other things I need to shop for that are far less fun. Like bras. No woman actually has any idea what size bra she wears. And women of my generation are so creeped out by remembering the "bra fitters" of our youth - creepy matronly women who were too weird even to work as school cafeteria ladies - that the idea of going somewhere that you can actually get expert advice is terrifying.

Anyway, I didn't have time for lots of shopping as I was still somewhat ill through Wednesday, though I did go back to work on Monday as planned. I ran into Dennis in the hall and he said "just assume nothing has happened while you've been gone" and that is remarkably close to the truth. Let's put it this way - I left a month before a major design review was supposed to take place. That very same design review is now scheduled for early December.

There are a few changes here and there - some new Air Force guys, one new person in my department, lots of reshuffling at the contractors. But, overall, things are eerily familiar. Which provides an interesting challenge for me. I wasn't exactly unhappy at work, but I did feel myself overwhelmed by the pervasive cynicism there, as well as stressed out by the pace of my life. I can feel the cynicism creeping back already, though I am resisting it. As for the stresses, I need to reassess how I spend my time. I've almost decided to tell Neil I'm going to leave the AIAA Sensor Systems Technical Committee. It's not a big time sink, really, but if I stay on the committee, I would want to do more than I had been. And that would mean either committing time to it or feeling guilty about it - neither of which is good for me.

As usual the fundamental problem is too many things I want to do and limited time meaning the need to set priorities. I'm not making any decisions at all until January. The only thing that is non-negotiable is storytelling - and even that has some reassessment involved.

Scary thought of the week: I am not sure which ads are more depressing - the real estate section or the personals.