Areas of Unrest

7 September 2000 - It Is Better To Survey Than To Kvetch

QOTD: "Mary had a crypto key, a key she kept in escrow, and everything that Mary said, the Feds were sure to know." - Sam Simpson, July 9, 1998

Reading: Keith Scott, The Moose That Roared

Listening to: Huun-Huur-Tu, The Orphan's Lament

Of course, no sooner do I do one of those "I'm going out and eat worms" type whines, than I get some very sweet email from a friend who I'm pretty sure doesn't read this journal, complete with both birthday wishes and a compliment on the travelogue. I also got very nice mail from a couple of other folks who do read this (thanks, Mo and Bill). And, most thrillingly, compliments from total strangers.

I knew I was pitying myself way too soon, but isn't that the way it always is? In the process, I unintentionally made Robert feel guilty. I'd conjured up all sorts of dreadful scenarios - him lying in a ditch bleeding to death sorts of things - and neglected to consider he could have simply forgotten. He called and we had a nice general chat regarding space (i.e. travel) and time. The latter included the sheer weirdness of crossing the international date line (arriving home before leaving Beijing is a bit freaky) and my astonishment that he didn't know what UTC is. In case you are also unfamiliar with the complexities of astronomical time measurements, I explained it to him as "Greenwich Mean Time, with a French accent." (The actual words are something like Universal Time, Coordinated. If it were real French, I think it would have to be TUC since temps would come first, but it's not like I remember much of my high school French.) It's not like I'd expect the general public to know that, but you'd think that geophysicists would have to know how to tell time.

So, anyway, I'm a lot happier and I'm even feeling fairly productive, especially since I'm as caught up as possible at work. As I pointed out to one of my colleagues, it is ever so much easier to review a document that doesn't exist. You just write down "percent complete = 0" and comment that there are "no significant technical errors." And I'm making progress at home, too, including having put down a deposit to go to a polar bear class in Churchill, Manitoba in November.

Anyway, I've had this survey hanging around for ages, and since there isn't anything to complain about for the moment, I thought it would be a good time to fill it in.

1. Are you an idealist or a realist?

   I like to think I'm a bit of both, though probably inclined more and more towards realism as I get older. I battle against falling into cynicism.

2. What are your views of people that smoke?

   I don't let people smoke in my apartment or my car. If people are polite about smoking (e.g. automatically going out onto the balcony when they want a cigarette), I won't make an issue of it.

3. Do you believe that life exists elsewhere in the Universe?

   I think it's highly unlikely. But the real question is, if little green men do exist, what sort of music do they listen to and can you buy bitter lemon on their planet?

4. What does your favorite food taste like when you have a cold?

   Nothing tastes like much when I have a cold. So I don't bother eating my normal favorite foods then. Instead, I revert to ethnic type and make chicken soup, which doesn't taste like much even when I don't have a cold. Except the first time I made my mother's soup recipe and her description of a parsnip (she didn't know the word for it) was so nebulous that I ended up buying a daikon instead. Don't try this at home, kids.

5. Voluntary Euthanasia: for or against?

   I can understand why a terminally ill person in pain might wish to commit suicide, but I think it's too dangerous to allow them to bring somebody else into the process.

6. If you could transport yourself somewhere else right now, where would it be?

   Fenway Park. Well, not just right now, but the Red Sox will be playing the Source of All Evil in the Universe in mere hours.

7. How short does a skirt have to be before it is too short?

   The rule when I was in elementary school was that it had to be longer than fingertip length. In practice, I don't generally wear skirts above the knee and many of mine are mid-calf length.

8. Is reality absolute?

   It depends.

9. If you were God for the day who would you send a thunder bolt to and who would you make a saint for a day?

   There's nobody I'm angry enough at the moment to send a thunder bolt to, but I might pick on George W. Bush on general principle. As for sainthood, Robert deserves it for putting up with me, but he'll also understand if I give that prize to someone else. It was Mark's email that lifted me out of the blues so he is (temporarily) Saint Mark the Cowboy Poet.

10. Is it more disgusting to find a hair in your sandwich or in your toothbrush?

    Any hair I find in my toothbrush would most likely be my own, while I do eat sandwiches made by other people from time to time. So, the sandwich would be much worse.

11. What epitaph would you choose for your headstone?

    "I told you I was sick."

12. Have you ever been arrested?

    No.

13. What one thing must you have?

    A good night's sleep.

14. Do you have any irrational fears?

    All of my fears are entirely irrational. Especially the one about sunflowers.

15. Have you ever sustained any injuries from sex?

    No lasting physical injuries (a scratch here or there is par is for the course). Psychological damage is another matter, but, no, actually not that either beyond the "what did I ever see in him?" phenomenon.

16. What was your best day ever?

    20 June 1974. Nothing particular happened that day, but my friends and I made a pact to remember an ordinary day. Ordinary days are good.

17. When was the last time you cried?

    I can't actually remember. I don't really cry a lot these days, other than when I watch certain movies. "West Side Story" does me in every time.

18. What's the most evil thing you've ever done?

    It's hard to pick one. I'll go for something in the distant past and mention the time I soaked my mother's cigarettes in tabasco.

19. What do sheep count?

    Sheep are too dumb to count.

20. If you had a friend the same as yourself, how long would you remain friends with them?

    Forever. I'm immensely loyal to my friends.

21. What do you see when your eyes are closed?

    Darkness.

22. What is your most valuable possession?

    My sense of humor. If you're talking about material things, my retirement account. But, in terms of sentimental value, a necklace that my great-grandmother bought in Shanghai around 1920.

23. What are you getting away with right now?

    Staying up past my bedtime.

24. Did you have an imaginary friend as a child, and if so, what was their name?

    Yes. Princess Ilona. She communicated with my by writing invisibly on the walls.

25. Have you ever thought of or perpetrated the perfect crime?

    The only perfect crime is the one that hasn't been committed.

26. What is your favourite season and why?

    Autumn in New England is close to perfection - clear, crisp days and colorful leaves. To paraphrase David Letterman, there's also a lot to be said for autumn in Los Angeles, when the birds change color and fall from the trees. Spring is actually better here, since that's when the jacarandas are in their full glory.

27. What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?

    Kiwano melon. They're spiky outside and slimy and green inside. And disappointingly bland.

28. If you could preserve a living person in ice for 100 years who would it be and why?

    Can I freeze all lawyers and politicians? Or is that too evil a thing to do to the future?

29. Do you believe in reincarnation?

    No.

30. If you had to kill your own meat, would you become a vegetarian?

    No. I eat meat very infrequently, but that's a matter of philosophy regarding appropriate land use, not out of concern for how animals are killed. I've done lots of fishing in the past and it didn't freak me out to handle the fish, so I can't imagine that killing my own meat would bother me much. I saw a sheep being slaughtered recently (at the Naadim Festival in Tuva) and it was no big deal.

31. Have you had any weird feedback from your diary? If so what was it and how did you deal with it?

    I get weird email every now and then (e.g. someone telling me they had a dream about me) and pretty much ignore it. Lately, though, it seems like I ignore most of my non-weird email too. I really do have to sit down and answer the backlog.

32. Do you believe in God?

    Yes, in the sense of believing that there are powers for good in the universe. That is, more of a belief in "godliness", than in the notion of an old guy with a beard throwing lightning bolts at the wicked.

33. What was the last really fantastic song that you heard?

    It's probably not the most recent, but the first thing that comes to mind is Brazzaville's "Sewers of Bangkok."

34. If you could swap sex for a day what would be the first thing you'd do?

    See how high up a wall I could pee.

35. If you had the chance to be any character from a film/play/book - who would it be and why?

    Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter (from the series by Laurell K. Hamilton) would be fun, though she gets injured awfully frequently. Can I be her just long enough to get through one of the sex scenes in the later books?

36. How many pens are on your desk right this minute?

    Probably a dozen or so, but they're of different sorts. A few ordinary ball point pens, mostly with hotel logos on them. Several felt tip pens in different colors. One decently nice fountain pen. All of them, plus some pencils, are in a pencil cup, since I am compulsively organized.