Areas of Unrest

9 April 2001 - You Can't Make Me

QOTD: "Citizenship by proxy is an oxymoron." - Robert D. Putnam

Reading: Daniel Pinkwater, Fish Whistle

Listening to: nothing

Horoscopes for Friday 6 April 2001:

Virgo: Passion is backed by patience and endurance, showing a capacity for sustained lovemaking. Stamina for pleasure is in high focus.

Cancer: Cuddling promotes closeness today. Hugs and kisses are definitely a good plan -- or some kind of physical affection.

I don't believe in astrology, but I was amused when Kymm brought the Virgo horoscope to my attention. See, Friday was the first time I was seeing Robert in a few months. So I had to check his horoscope too (hence, the Cancer one shown above) and I even printed them out for his entertainment. I'm still no believer but these were nicely accurate. And I'm not saying much more about that since I can't give away for free all the fine detail I'm saving up for that erotic bestseller I'll write some day.

The other major event of the weekend was going to the A's vs. Angels at the Oakland Coliseum. It's officially "Network Associate's Coliseum" and they have these silly signs around that read "meet me at the Net." But, of course, nobody calls it that. This was part of my attempt to go to every major league ballpark, by the way. Neither team is one I really care about, though the A's used to be hateful, particularly in the days of Tony LaRussa, who seems less offensive in Saint Louis, somehow. The Angels are just a hopelessly uninteresting team, lacking in ardent fans. My take on the A's victory was that Tim Hudson is a decent enough pitcher, but the bigger factor was poor fielding by the Angels.

The other thing I wanted to write about was an interesting psychological insight I had. I'd called my grandfather's cousin earlier in the week, asking assorted genealogical questions. (I learned a few interesting things, including the existence of a branch of the family in Argentina, but that's besides the point.) He went on to ask some about my brother and me. When I started to tell somebody about the conversation, I said it was interesting that a more distant relative could make me feel guilty about not having children when my own mother can't. But that's really silly. He didn't make me feel anything. I feel the way I feel and I just recognized it because of the conversation. I'm used to being on the defensive with my mother, so the immediate feelings there are different. With her, it's easy to just say, "you want to be a grandmother so badly, talk to my brother."

The same insight is useful when it comes to Robert. I was distracted all day Friday, thinking about seeing him that evening - but that's my reaction and it's not really his fault per se. Similarly, that my frustration about our situation is not his fault either. I went into the relationship with my eyes open, knowing that I want two mutually exclusive things. I've also complained in the past that he makes me feel that I'm wasting my education since I'm not doing much that qualifies as actual research. But, again, the truth is that I sometimes feel that way and whether or not he even thinks that is beyond the point.